This entire pattern started with that darn giraffe. I must have been six years old at the time. I stood leaning quite unaware against a chain link fence at the zoo... licking my chocolate ice cream cone...watching the camels across the way, innocently asking if their humps were backwards boobs... when suddenly, I was assaulted. A long, wet tongue swooped down from above, slurped at my left eye, and slapped at my cheek...attempting to snarf what was left of my cone. I screamed, flinging ice cream at my mother while running wildly towards my father. A very large giraffe loomed, craning its long neck down over the fence...eyeing me and snorting.

It seemed after that I was a target. Birds pooped on me, dogs chased me on my bike (almost clear across the state line), black cats crossed my path, ducks snapped at my little dresses, and hamsters regularly thought of my fingers as french fries.

Not much has changed. Take yesterday for example. Within 15 minutes of walking out my front door I was terrorized by a wasp, and leapt upon by a flying squirrel.

My dear husband had decided to take us for a ride to the lake. We were approximately 16 feet from the driveway when I heard a slight buzzing sound. Leaning back in my seat I strained to listen more carefully. (Bzzzzzzz....nearer to my ear than I found favorable..or safe) And then there it was....the size of a bird...the mother of all wasps...crawling up my neck.

I screamed and flailed my arms wildly. My husband started swerving down the road while anxious parents called their children inside...wondering if he'd had a few too many beers. My daughter simply thought I was having a breakdown. I anxiously pressed the window down button. The wasp was frantically flying like a helicopter spinning out of control, and then with great aim and precision I backhanded it out the window. There were cheers, claps, and much rejoicing. (Well, there were laughs, eye rolls, and huffs) However, seeing the trauma this insect put me through caused my husband to take a slight detour to a friends house a few blocks away. He thought it might cheer me up.

Turns out they had new pets...

Squirrels.

I must admit that the pair of little creatures did look absolutely adorable. They were tiny hamster like creatures with huge, innocent eyes, fluffy tails....and long claws. And did I mention they flew?...well, sort of. Apparently their little bodies spread out like parachutes while they could simply glide across the room. .....or onto ME...like the first furry little guy did. One minute he was looking all sweet and I wanted to "ookie pookie" him...and the next, well..he was in full spring towards my face. My husband almost peed himself laughing while this little creature ran across my chest to shoulders and onto my back. I think it was calling its pal over because I saw it's mate staring me down, ready to lunge at my hair..and possibly nest. I was ever so thankful when my neighbor pulled it off and let it run onto my husband instead...where it promptly pooped.

I was afraid to leave..afraid to move. I was plotting a quick tumbling escape through the kitchen window. I could have sprinted for the back door but my friends horse, erm dog, was guarding the exit.

Thankfully their children corralled the little creatures and distracted the moose, erm dog, so we could say our goodbyes. The thing is.. I really miss our old neighbors. I would like to see them more often but I'm not sure their animals will allow me in next time.

We did made it to the lake though.

Not that I'd consider swimming in ANY lake again....freaky little nipping fish!