I thought a nice trip to the garden center would sooth my jangled nerves and cranky allergen mood. Spring planting always makes me rather giddy anyway. Thus I loaded up on antihistamines, kidnapped my daughter, and headed out....which was a mistake.

I am used to flats of flowers and baskets overflowing from the back of my car. Somehow I forgot that I now own a Wrangler. Not only that.. but dear hubby neglected to inform me that the inside of my jeep was COVERED in yellow pollen. (He decided to take all the windows out for a sunny joyride a few days back.) So there we were in a full blown pollen storm (my dear daughter and I) sneezing our way to buy some summer plants (useless antihistamines)...only to realize that once we arrived, nothing much would fit in the backseat. Oh, we tried folding it down, beating it, smashing it flat...but the seat folded and tilted at a 45 degree slope...just enough for the plants to enjoy a swift ride down...into the foot well. In the end we rigged it with boxes and purses at just the right angle to support TWO whole plants. Woopie.

Riding home in the midst of the backseat jungle (leaves in our faces, twigs in our hair) I almost forgot to swing by the grocery store for a few items. Now normally a few items would not be a problem. However, the plants had taken over the jeep. As it was I could only manage a glimpse of my daughters face as she was rammed against the side door..hidden behind foliage, in retreat from the mutant plants that seemed to have overdosed on Miracle Grow in just 3 short miles. With pollen smears on her forehead and flower petals up her nose I abandoned her in search of food.

Four small plastic bags later we were crammed into the jeep at unnatural angles, trying to figure out if I could drive home. Why don't these cars have trunks? Real trunks? Did I mention that the ridiculous trunk I did have...more like the size of a picnic basket...was filled with some fishing gear? I don't even fish FGS.

We did make it home, but I parked too close to the holly bush again and when my daughter opened the car door she was accosted by spiny leaves, lost her flip flop...and fell out. About 4 wasps chased her to my side of the car where I struggled with the mutant plants and bags.

It was all out warfare....but in the end we only lost 1 liter of orange Crush down the driveway, a pack of peppermint gum to the holly bush, and somewhere...a shoe.

My beautiful plants made it out as well...maybe short on flowers, leaves...and a few branches...but their root balls are resting safely on my porch now.

I came in the house to my son's burning toast and garlic chicken exploding in the microwave (I never knew chicken strips to be so lethal) One dog was about to vomit...while the other was eating my carpet. There was a car tire resting in the hall...UPS delivers the oddest things (read.. husband can't follow a budget) and I realized I'd forgotten to turn on the dryer yesterday...thus all our pastels smell like mold.

I'd go out back to unwind...but our grass has decided to respond to the little man that sprayed it with some blue chemical a few days back. It's growing...and growing quick. It really IS a jungle out there.

I wanted to post about a beautiful Spring day at 80+ degrees...but instead I'm posting about how my head feels like a balloon and I'm getting crankier by the minute...even though I truly am TRYING to enjoy this weather.

I get over the plague only to be bombarded with evil little pollen monsters. These evil little beings are invading my nose, lungs, and mind, to drive me crazy. I refuse to sit inside with some steamer and towel over my head on a day like this. I took an antihistamine and I'm sitting here on my deck...probably being covered in yellow pine pollen.

At least the sneezing has stopped...at least my eyes aren't weeping like a faucet...or red like Ive been licking onions. My head still feels like a brick though. Even my dear Neti pot is rejecting my sinuses. I have to practically stand upside down just to drain them. I took a Sudafed...it did nothing other than make me feel like I'd had a pot of coffee. So I am a manic, stuffy, crabby person. Even worse, I am getting angrier...for I can bite the heads off all these chocolate bunnies...but not taste them. This is cruel.

I really wish I could squirt Afrin in my nose every darn day...its like instant freedom...its miraculous!...it's magic!...but it causes rebound congestion and you end up worse than before.

I made some Kool Aid...but I cant taste it. The flowers are blooming...but I can't smell them.

I'll probably end up retreating for the living room, only to be resigned to playing Super Mario 2 for the next 6 hours. This way I can curse at the TV and get all cranky at that.

Last day of Spring break and Ive spent the entire thing with a virus...and now allergies...soon to be some infection. I bet I start oozing green in no time. While everyone else is enjoying some sweet tea and a sunny walk...I guess I'll just go inside my cave, make some chicken broth..and get my steamer. Stupid pine trees.

So I had to dust off my neti pot. It looks like a child's tea set pot...but it isn't made for happy tea parties. The neti is made to flush your nose out like Niagara Falls. It's really rather disturbing, rather disgusting actually... but indeed it does work. My husband finds the concept rather odd, while the children are so entirely fascinated by it that they occasionally attempt to follow me to the sink to watch me tilt my head sideways and attempt to magically drain my sinuses while drenching half my face in mucous.

If I'm not pouring salt water into my head I'm usually sitting around with Kleenex smeared in Vicks Vapo Rub shoved up my nose (My husband finds this look quite fetching)

I know I must be really quite ill because I don't want chocolate. I don't want anything but tea (which I actually hate) I found absolutely no joy in the McDonald's french fries my son brought me last night...zero happiness in the cup of ice cream that his beautiful girlfriend bought me...and no pleasure from finding a Cadbury egg hidden in my sock drawer. I didn't even care who went home on American Idol. I am a sad, diseased blob.. hugging a stuffed llama and sadly looking forward to my next nasal tsunami.

At least I have minty flavored Tylenol for my headache...ginger for my tummy ache...and something that I cannot pronounce for my cough. But best of all I have my neti pot. Hmm, I wonder if taping the garden hose to my nose would be more efficient? Bleah