I thought a nice trip to the garden center would sooth my jangled nerves and cranky allergen mood. Spring planting always makes me rather giddy anyway. Thus I loaded up on antihistamines, kidnapped my daughter, and headed out....which was a mistake.

I am used to flats of flowers and baskets overflowing from the back of my car. Somehow I forgot that I now own a Wrangler. Not only that.. but dear hubby neglected to inform me that the inside of my jeep was COVERED in yellow pollen. (He decided to take all the windows out for a sunny joyride a few days back.) So there we were in a full blown pollen storm (my dear daughter and I) sneezing our way to buy some summer plants (useless antihistamines)...only to realize that once we arrived, nothing much would fit in the backseat. Oh, we tried folding it down, beating it, smashing it flat...but the seat folded and tilted at a 45 degree slope...just enough for the plants to enjoy a swift ride down...into the foot well. In the end we rigged it with boxes and purses at just the right angle to support TWO whole plants. Woopie.

Riding home in the midst of the backseat jungle (leaves in our faces, twigs in our hair) I almost forgot to swing by the grocery store for a few items. Now normally a few items would not be a problem. However, the plants had taken over the jeep. As it was I could only manage a glimpse of my daughters face as she was rammed against the side door..hidden behind foliage, in retreat from the mutant plants that seemed to have overdosed on Miracle Grow in just 3 short miles. With pollen smears on her forehead and flower petals up her nose I abandoned her in search of food.

Four small plastic bags later we were crammed into the jeep at unnatural angles, trying to figure out if I could drive home. Why don't these cars have trunks? Real trunks? Did I mention that the ridiculous trunk I did have...more like the size of a picnic basket...was filled with some fishing gear? I don't even fish FGS.

We did make it home, but I parked too close to the holly bush again and when my daughter opened the car door she was accosted by spiny leaves, lost her flip flop...and fell out. About 4 wasps chased her to my side of the car where I struggled with the mutant plants and bags.

It was all out warfare....but in the end we only lost 1 liter of orange Crush down the driveway, a pack of peppermint gum to the holly bush, and somewhere...a shoe.

My beautiful plants made it out as well...maybe short on flowers, leaves...and a few branches...but their root balls are resting safely on my porch now.

I came in the house to my son's burning toast and garlic chicken exploding in the microwave (I never knew chicken strips to be so lethal) One dog was about to vomit...while the other was eating my carpet. There was a car tire resting in the hall...UPS delivers the oddest things (read.. husband can't follow a budget) and I realized I'd forgotten to turn on the dryer yesterday...thus all our pastels smell like mold.

I'd go out back to unwind...but our grass has decided to respond to the little man that sprayed it with some blue chemical a few days back. It's growing...and growing quick. It really IS a jungle out there.