My husband had sent me this picture from his Blackberry. I was confused.
I thought he was in Vegas...but this looked like Paris.
I'd wondered if he'd fled the country, was kidnapped, or simply wandered onto the wrong plane.
But no, this was/is Las Vegas.
It looked pretty enough...I was 3 minutes into our phone conversation... just beginning to imagine what an amazing place Vegas must be...when he told me about the hooker.
He could not manage to press ONE elevator button without getting into a situation FGS. I warned him, I told him it would happen...but nope..he didn't believe me. I KNEW I should have packed for him. He should have been wearing some old curry stained tee shirt, short checkered pants with red knee socks along with sandals...poofed his pineapple hair up...spoke with a lisp. But no. He had to go and be presentable, well spoken, and polite....to the wrong person.
As soon as the tart uttered "Hey sexy" he should have just ran. But no...he's much too proper and British about it. I guess he was in disbelief...standing there blubbering excuses about how late it was...so sorry...no thank you. NO THANK YOU? He should have waved his wedding ring in her face and walked away...commenting on the fact that his wife was a pro wrestler, karate champion, or the daughter of a mafia don. Any of those excuses would have pleased me more.
To think I was worried about him when he managed to spill the contents of his suitcase across the airport lounge, lose his charger, misplace his ticket. He didn't believe me about the diamond g-strings, feathers (without much else)...or the abundance of boobies either. I am ever so thankful that he was more excited about his 22 ounce T bone though.
I had to give him strict instructions not to speak to any more strangers (women, actually)
In addition, if I ever were to find one trace of a feather boa in his luggage I would kill him (twice)
Stupid business trip.
Next time they best send him to Iowa...maybe a nice farm town somewhere...possibly a small village without running water....the desert even.
I already have his wardrobe picked out....my father's fishing hat, a Mickey Mouse tee shirt, Hawaiian shorts, tye dye socks, ankle top white sneakers with grass stains, and a necklace made of walnuts. I have purchased a new, thick, black marker to help him develop a healthy uni brow (and possibly blacken out some teeth) and garlic mints to keep strangers (female) at bay.
.....
Husband has just phoned to inform me that he is lost. Somewhere between the MGM's lobby and Parisian streets, he took a wrong turn.
Please excuse me while I go track him down with igoogle.