I do my grocery shopping with a sort of mental mapping system. Half the time I don't even look at what I'm grabbing off of the shelf because " I know" where everything is. For example, I am aware that the Motts cinnamon applesauce lives on the lowest shelf of aisle one... about 10 steps in. The grape Juicy Juice is always located next to the cherry, 3rd shelf down midway through aisle 6....Cap'n Crunch resides at the end of aisle 5. (You shop somewhere so long that you can find things in your sleep basically) That is...........until the store decides to remodel.

What could have been a quick cart dash in 35 minutes became over an hour of pure frustration. Dehydrated and withered from roaming endless aisles in search of tomato soup, I eventually came across a kindly gray haired old woman handing out maps of "the new and improved customer friendly floor plan" Now, this map looks almost identical to the back of the children's menu from Chili's...it was like a maze, a puzzle. It gave me indigestion. I was waiting for the dear lady to hand me a red crayon to help trace my route and race the old coot next to me to see who could get to the antacids first. It was ridiculous. The lady smiled and nodded at me. Hoping she would take pity on me I asked her, begged her, to lead me to the soup aisle. She fumbled at her pearl necklace and poked a passing stockboy in the back with her cane. "Look, son, can you help this woman find the stewed tomatoes?" I started to correct her, but stopped when I witnessed the complete lack of comprehension registering in the stockboy's eyes. This was a losing battle. I thanked them both anyway and walked away, assuming my position at the helm of my wobbly grocery cart. Throwing caution to the wind, I made a sudden left turn...victory! I found the antacids. They weren't ever on my list, but by this point I really did need them.


I glanced down into the old cart: two bottles of Tums, bacon, rice, and plastic spoons. At this point I decided to just cut my losses, use the quick check out, and try my luck grocery shopping online. At least this way I could just go home, sit at the computer, and simply type in what I wanted... filling my imaginary cart, checking out with the simplicity of punching in a few numbers, and having it all delivered. Yay! Now this was a plan.

So, I made my way to the shiny new fangled self check out (which promptly ate my debit card and caused me to wait another 10 minutes for someone to retrieve it) grabbed my one pitiful plastic bag and escaped quite rapidly.



And here I am at the computer...sorting colored Tums.
Sadly, the grocery site is down for maintenance.

Now, what can I make tonight with bacon and rice?